A First Time for Everything

Yesterday, I ran in my first 5K. Ran the whole way. Set a new personal best for distance (3.15 miles) and pace (14:41, per official race results). And this, just two weeks after I started running.

Okay. Running would barely describe what I do; it's more of a light jog, really. Okay. More of a quick, walking, shuffle. Whatever. For the sake of simplicity, I will call it running.

I should tell you, I really surprised myself yesterday. I never would have believed that I could actually sustain a run for a block, much less just over 3 miles. And that I would like it. No, love it. I had a blast yesterday. It felt great to set that goal, work for it, and actually complete it. And at a better pace than my training runs. 

I was recalling a conversation I recently had with a friend. I was telling her that I didn't think I'd ever be able to run for fear of damaging my knees, as I was carrying considerably more weight on my body than I should. 

I've shed some of the weight. Not as much as I'd like, but that is still a work in progress.

And, I can run. I proved it yesterday. And my knees are okay. Better than okay, really. I can feel the change in my body. It's getting healthier, stronger.

I never would have dreamed it possible. But it is.

Guess there really is a first time for everything.

Here's to good health!

What's Different Now

Those of you who've been following my blog since the beginning, or have read older posts, know that I've tried before to lose weight and get fit. Tried and failed, and tried again. And failed again. And again and again. Those of you that have seen me recently have seen the progress, the success, this time. Some of you have read about it. And all of you are asking, "What's different now? What's different this time? What caused the change?"

I've considered these questions often. In fact, almost daily. Reality is, I don't know. Honestly. It's not like I planned this, unlike other times. ;-)

No, this time, it came out of the blue. One day I just stopped eating bad things. I reduced my carb intake in order to get my blood sugar levels under control. Once I did that, I had complete control over my appetite; cravings were eliminated and portion control became quite easy as I was never really hungry. I immediately noticed results, losing maybe 5 pounds that first week. Few things motivate me better than seeing results and when it comes to losing weight, well, let's just say that this changed the "game" completely. I wanted more results, and I wanted them to last.

Once the binge eating was eliminated and I was eating healthy meals and smaller portions, I knew that in order to see the results I wanted, to change my body, I'd have to do much more than just eat right. I had to start exercising. So I did.

I'll get into the workout transformation in another post. This post is about what's different about this time. While I may not know the answer to that, I do know this:

I was tired of not liking myself because of how I looked.

I was tired of being uncomfortable in my own skin.

I was tired of being embarrassed to be seen in public.

I was tired of never wanting to socialize with friends because of my appearance.

I was tired of being "the pretty, fat girl."

I want to be fit.

I want to look in a mirror and LOVE who I see, inside AND out.

I want to be fit enough to run around with my nieces and nephews and not be winded in the first 30 seconds.

I want to cycle a century.

I want to run a marathon.

I want to run, cycle and swim in a triathlon.

And finally, I want to live a long, healthy life with my husband by my side, doing God's work, whatever that looks like.

I guess that's what's different. I WANT THIS. More than anything I can think of. And this time, I'm willing to work for it.

That's really all there is to it. It's not rocket science or anything. It's just me wanting something and being willing to work for it. Pretty simple, really.

Here's to good health!

What a Difference a Week Makes

Time to take inventory.

A week ago, the company I work for had 43 employees. Now, there are 23 of us.

A week ago, I started running. First run was a quarter mile. Now, I'm up to 2.59 miles.

A week ago, I recorded a 25 pound weight loss. Now, it's 28 pounds.

A week ago, I was ecstatic to be able to run a mile. Now, I'm running my first 5K this Saturday.

A week ago, I would never have dreamed of running more than 5 miles. Now, I'm planning the training for my first marathon.

A week ago, I was planning a quiet Christmas at home with my husband. Now, I'm preparing for a trip to see my family in San Antonio over the holiday.

A week ago, I still had my optimism. Now, I am praying for perseverance. Praying to be enveloped by God's strength, seeking His clarity, and surrendering, moment by moment, to His will.

I know God is in control, and I completely prefer it that way. 

Today Was a Blessing

Today, we blessed a friend. A group of 20 wonderful people came together and collected between them $690, a Wii game console, extra controllers, a few games and a DVD. These were given to a very special lady, that she might breathe a little easier during this difficult financial time, and give her twin, teenage boys a few small Christmas gifts and a big helping of Christmas cheer.

To those of you who reached out to help a stranger, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. To those of you who reached out to help a friend, I extend these thanks as well and am blessed and proud to call you friends. And to all of you, I pray that God would bless each of you sevenfold for opening your hearts and hearing the call of someone in need, and then acting upon it.

Today, we were all blessed. We were given the gift and privilege of being God's hands and feet, and doing HIS work. I can think of no better gift to receive this Christmas.

May God bless you all this Christmas and throughout the new year.

Now I'm Running

I should probably tell you that I really don't like working out. Never have and never dreamed I would. But lately, something's come over me. I can't explain it. I can only tell you that I find myself pushing my body to new limits, setting crazy goals and actually meeting them!

It started with cycling. I set a goal for riding 47 miles and accomplished it. It wasn't a race, but rather, for me, more about just finishing. And I'm not finished, either. I have set a goal to ride a century ride in 2010. That's 100 miles. All at once, in one ride. Crazy, right?

Crazier still is that now I've taken up running. I've always wanted to be a runner, you know, one of those lithe, graceful folk that look like they float over the road. But every time I tried to run my knees would scream in agony. Not surprising considering the ridiculous amount of weight I was carrying. Yet here I am, 25 pounds lighter and this past Saturday, I woke up and decided it was time to start running.

I know you have to start slow when you run, or you could seriously injure yourself. So I only ran a quarter of a mile, with my sweet boxer Bristol alongside of me. Crazy dog loved it. Crazy girl loved it more.

Sunday, I pushed myself a bit harder and ran a full mile. Ran the whole way, too. Not too bad. Most surprising was the fact that when I was done, I felt great and nothing hurt.

Today, my husband and our goofy dog, Bristol, joined me. Today, I ran 1.32 miles in 23 minutes. Okay, not a record breaking time or anything, I'll give you that. But I RAN the whole way.

I have another goal. I'm running a 5K next week. Yes, next week. I have 10 days to train. 5K. That's 3.12 miles. three times what I'm running now. I'm not ambitious. Nope, not me.

What can I say? I love running. And cycling. Soon I'll add swimming. And maybe, just maybe, I'll surprise myself yet again.

Here's to good health!

Can't Think of a Thing

The problem with blogging is that I often can't think of a thing to write about. Or, the contrary occurs and I have so many things I want to write about that they all kind of collide together into this mushy, sloppy, incoherent mess. And it's really worse than it sounds.

When that happens, I find myself wondering how awesome bloggers like The Pioneer Woman keep their sites hip and fresh (aside from simply being writers with actual talent, that is.) Do the have an outline of ideas and topics? I need tips, suggestions, something!

Seriously, though, today I am at a loss for anything of interest (clearly I am assuming anything I write is of interest to anyone other than myself) to write about. So instead of boring you to tears with my mindless dribble, I will merely wish you a happy week.

Happy week and here's to good health!

It Really is Just Stuff

Ever wonder how you would handle losing all of your possessions? Think about it. What would you do if you lost your home, your car, your clothes, jewelry, electronic gadgets, every thing that meant something to you? In a time when amassing stuff seems to be the norm, we often convince ourselves that our lives would be incomplete without these things, that somehow, we would be less of a person if not surrounded by our worldly items.

I am guilty of this. I like to think I'm above it, that I have a loose grip on the things of this world and could move through the rest of my life without so much. And in my heart, I know it's true. But every now and then, I catch glimpses of a person who sometimes feels she is defined by how much, or how little, she has. 

Today, as I learned of dear friends losing their jobs during one of the worst economic times our country has seen in memorable history, I was reminded of what is really important, of who I really am and what defines me. I am grateful to still have a job, my health, a husband who loves me, and my family around me. If all else went away, even my job, I would still be wealthy beyond measure.

I pray those faced with the challenges of this economic downturn remember what is important this holiday season. Hold your families close, bask in the little things, and remember that God has a plan.

Praying peace, love and hope for all those affected.

Merry Christmas and may the new year be filled with the wealths that can not be taken from you.

Lo Carb and Starbucks

I'm the first to admit; I'm a coffee snob. Or fool, depending on how you look at it. Either way, I am a fan of Starbucks. I love that I can smell a Starbucks shop at least a block away, I love the random but awesome art hanging in most of their coffee shops, and I love their frothy, foamy, java laced beverages. Did I say love? I mean LOVE.

Since I began the lo-carb lifestyle, however, Starbucks is not a place I frequent. Most of the drinks I like best contain milk, albeit usually the soy variety, but milk nonetheless, which, in case you don't know, is chock full of carbs. And we won't even talk about the lovely orange-cranberry scones. {drool}
Yes. Definitely best I avoid the little green coffe shop found on nearly every street corner in the US, and in many chain retailers too (think Target and Barnes and Noble!)

Then I remembered something. Something useful. Something lovely. Something so wonderful that I had a "SHAZAM" kind of moment. You know the one I'm talking about. The one where the planets align just so, the fireworks are going off in your head, and all things are illuminated. Yes, that one.

My revelation? Simple, really. Heavy whipping cream is very low carb, considerably lower than regular milk or even soy milk. You're wondering what this has to do with Starbucks, aren't you? Well let me tell you. This means you can enjoy many of your blended coffee delights without all the carbs! Simply asking them to use heavy whipping cream as the milk. I myself like the Chai Tea Latte with heavy whipping cream as the milk - it's positively divine!

That being said, it's only fair I warn you. If you are watching your fat intake, along with your carbs, steer clear of this milk substitution. Seriously. Run away. FAST.
See, while heavy whipping cream is low on carbs, it's fat content is actually quite high. Not surprising when you consider that this is the stuff used to make whipped cream.

I guess the best thing to do is remember that those delectable blended beverages are treats, to be enjoyed infrequently and with much delight. Perhaps a small reward on a rainy night.

It sure is my excuse for having one tonight.

Here's to good health!

In the Spirit of Christmas

I found these words years ago when reading The Prophet by Khalil Gibran. Since then, he has become one of my favorite authors, and this particular writing has always stuck with me. It rises to mind again this holiday season, as I watch a friend of mine struggle financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I pray for her daily and have decided it's time to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and reach out with more than prayer.

In a time when people are worried about their own financial and job security, I have the audacity to reach out and ask for help for this person. It's someone you likely know, though I'd rather not disclose who this person is here; I'll be happy to tell you - just send me a private message if you're interested in helping. I am asking for anything you can offer; my hope is to collect money for Walmart gift cards, that this beautiful lady, this single mom of teenage twins, might be able to provide a Christmas for her boys, and might feel the love and compassion that God promises each of His children.

Again, if you are interested in participating, please send me a private message, either via FB or to my personal email: dyclement05@gmail.com.
I will be collecting through Dec. 15th and will give her the gift Dec. 18th.
Thanks again for your willingness to give of yourself. May you have a Merry Christmas and may God bless you through the year!

**************************************************************

On Giving
Kahlil Gibran

You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.
For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?
And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?
And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have--and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.
Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;
And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.
And is there aught you would withhold?
All you have shall some day be given;
Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.

You often say, "I would give, but only to the deserving."
The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.
They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.
Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights, is worthy of all else from you.
And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.
And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?
And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?
See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.
For in truth it is life that gives unto life while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

And you receivers... and you are all receivers... assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.
Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;
For to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the freehearted earth for mother, and God for father.

Training: The Next Level

I had such good intentions for the holiday weekend. I planned to ride at least two days out of the four days of this long weekend, and had hoped to get in at least one long ride; 25 miles or more.

Alas, it was not to be, mostly because I opted to be lazy instead. After the 24 hour marathon of getting ready for the holiday, Friday found me lounging around 'til nearly noon. After I finally dragged myself out of bed, we headed out to take advantage of the Black Friday specials and pick up a few gifts. While out, we bought our Christmas tree, which of course meant I had to spend the rest of the day decorating it. I did actually break long enough to get in a 10 mile ride, though it really should have been at least a 15 mile ride, especially considering all I ate on Thursday.

Yesterday was filled with more sleeping in, cleaning, decorating and running errands, so needless to say, I didn't ride.

Today it's raining, so I'm using that as my excuse. Pitiful, I know.

I think I need to find another event to train for, as that seems to keep me motivated to ride on a regular basis. 

Can you say, "Century ride?!"

I've got to get with the program. I really don't want to lose the momentum with either the weight loss or the cycling.

The holidays sure know how to throw a monkey-wrench in my plans! (Yes, I know, it's just another weak excuse.)

Merry Christmas, y'all!

How to Handle the Holidays

Did you know the average caloric consumption for a Thanksgiving Day meal is 3500 calories? If you eat breakfast and lunch as well, you're looking at roughly 4000 to 4500 calories. In one day!


As a food addict in recovery, this holiday, one that focuses heavily on eating starchy, carb heavy foods, is probably one of the hardest to deal with.

Yet I'm not worried. I've been cooking up a storm so I know how high the caloric and carb counts are in my dishes. And I certainly don't plan on eating Atkins bars all day while my husband and friends eat the really yummy stuff. No, this year, for Thanksgiving, I have a plan.

It's a basic plan. I intend to taste everything I've prepared for this feast. The difference is, I will quite literally "taste" everything. This means I will partake in very small portions. After all, the first bite is usually the best. It's not like any of the food will taste better the more of it I eat, right? So, I will take tiny portions of everything, eat only until I am satisfied, not full, and I will drink lots of water before, during and after the meal. If possible, I will even go for a bike ride or a brisk walk/run. Anything to burn some calories.

For me, the most important thing to remember, the thing that will help me handle the holidays, is to keep reminding myself that nothing I put in my mouth will taste as good as being fit and healthy... nothing.

Will someone please remind me of that after I take the first bite of one of these lovelies?

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you and your families!

Thanksgiving Prep

This marks the first year I am cooking nearly the entire Thanksgiving Day feast, including the bird.
I've never cooked a turkey before, and encountered serious challenges earlier this year when trying to roast a chicken, so in preparation for this important occasion, I've done quite a bit of research on the best way to go about cooking the perfect turkey.

While there are many ways to make a tasty turkey, I've opted for soaking my turkey in a salt brine which, if done correctly, should produce the most succulent gobbler.

I reviewed countless of turkey brine recipes and finally settled on one that consists of brown sugar, maple syrup and soy sauce, as well as a few other seasonings. After assembling the first batch of brine, I realized I didn't have enough brine to cover the 20 pound beast we're going to roast on Thursday, so I headed back to the kitchen and made another batch.

As I prepared the brining bag and made room in the fridge for the turkey and brine, it occurred to me that Thanksgiving is probably not the best time to start experimenting with new techniques.

Too late now, I'm in way too deep.
At least the brine smells yummy!

The first batch of brine; turns out this won't be enough.

A second batch of brine to ensure we have enough to cover the entire bird.

I'm using Reynolds Oven Roasting bags (turkey size!) for brining. I've double bagged in case of leakage.

The BIRD. 20 pounds of succulent yumminess. Unless, of course, my "experiment" goes horribly wrong.

Feel free to say a little prayer for me and the gobbler. It's okay.

I won't mind.

Tune in tomorrow for the cooking of the sides!

Stress + Speculation = Distractions!

Last week we learned that our company would, for the third time in 12 months, be downsizing. While this is normal for our country these days, you must understand that presently, our company has about 41 employees. To downsize yet again means reducing our workforce to roughly half what we have now.

I can't decide what's worse, knowing we're downsizing, that the senior leadership team asked for volunteers to separate from the company, or the uncertainty of what happens next.

I do know that this week, so far, has been filled with a lot of stress and some serious speculating. This effectively results in a whole lot of distractions. There is so much work to do, yet I would bet maybe half of it is getting done.

Is it better to know what's coming, or is not knowing the right thing?

Life is an uncertainty; maybe our real job is to just try and make the most of each day we are given, starting with the present one. After all, no matter how much we worry, stress, or speculate, we can't change tomorrow before tomorrow even gets here, right?

~Matthew 6:34

And the Turkey Rolled

It was all over Facebook and Twitter yesterday, my completion of Denton's 27th Annual Turkey Roll.
Yep - I did it. I completed a 47 mile bike ride, and I did it in 4 hours and 18 minutes.
Now, while that is certainly not fast by racing standards, it is fast by my standards. Especially considering that I started training for the event about a month prior, and have only been cycling for about 2 months.

That I finished at all exceeds my expectations.

Some things I learned as a result of this event:
1. I LOVE cycling
2. I don't like chip seal
3. I still have a lot of training to do before I'll be ready for a century ride
4. I can reach my exercise and weight loss goals if I stay committed and keep working at it
5. The support of friends and family is everything

I biked this event with good friends, one of who happened to be my boss. She is an experienced cyclist and completed the event in what I suspect was half the time it took me and my other friend, both newbies. Nonetheless, when we crossed the finish line, she was still there, waiting patiently to cheer us in. I can not begin to describe how much that moved me.

I am glad this first event is over and grateful for the lessons I learned and the experience I obtained, and I'm ready to start training for the next event, what I hope will be a century ride, which, for those who don't speak cycle-ese, is a 100 mile ride.

Crazy, right? Yeah, I think so too.

Here's to good health!

Fiber and Water

Some things that have helped me succeed in losing weight have definitely been eating less, being mindful of what I eat, and exercising, mostly in the way of riding my bike.

But I would be remiss if I didn't mention the importance of drinking lots of water in the battle against the bulge. It's what helps flush the fat out of your body. Not to mention, water is good for you. I won't get into the science of it all. After all, I'm not a scientist. Or a doctor. :)

What I have found, however, is that water alone is not always enough to help flush my body. I suspect it's because I'm consuming more protein, though I do try to balance that with low carb veggies that are high in fiber. Still, it felt as if I wasn't getting enough fiber, and things weren't moving quite the way they should.

Since I don't want to eat more food, even if it is high in fiber, I have to find another way to ingest more fiber. I'd heard of Benefiber, but was a little leery about adding it to my water, fearful that it would make the water taste funny. Then I found these little, individual serving, citrus flavored Benefiber packs, you know the type - you pour the little pack into a 16 ounce bottle of water and voila, you've got yummy tasting water chock full of fiber! Tastes a little like Tang. :) And it turns out they've got an assortment of flavors!

I must reiterate that drinking straight up water is critical, but having one of these Benefiber packs a day has really helped get things back on track! Be forewarned: if you're counting carbs, each one of these packs contains 2 Net Carbs, so just be mindful of that and include it in your daily carb counts.

Here's to good health!

New Found Love

Ask any of my friends. They'll tell you I hate working out. Yes, HATE it.
Even the great endorphin high wasn't enough to convert me into a fan of exercise.

Then, I met a bike. Now, this bike and I actually had a history. It was brief, and the bike had been relegated to collecting dust in our garage. But about two months ago, I pulled it out, tuned it up and next thing I knew, I'd ridden 10 miles. It was then and there that my love affair began.

To date, I have invested in a new bike, one designed for long distance, fitness rides. I've completed a 20.25 mile ride. I've signed up for and am training for a 47 mile bike rally.

And I have a goal.
100 miles by next July.

Did I mention I LOVE riding my bike?!

Here's to being fit and healthy! :)

(and here's a photo of my new bike! Isn't it a beaut?!)

It's a Compulsion. But That's Not Really an Excuse

Okay. I have a question. What do you do if someone makes food for you, but you've already eaten and aren't hungry?

I found myself in this very predicament last night. I was satisfied from a snacking binge I'd had earlier in the evening (pork rinds, NO CARBS) but had a knife skills class at a nearby gourmet grocery store. The class involved prepping our dinner, and then, eating that dinner.

When the food was ready, the instructor prepared a plate for me and handed it to me. I was torn. I knew I wasn't hungry, yet I didn't want to appear rude by refusing it. So I ate it. Now, to give myself some credit, I only ate the bits that were protein or low carb; I left behind the starchy rice and skipped on dessert. But the fact of the matter is that I ate, even when I knew I wasn't hungry.

I know it's a compulsion, one that can be triggered by oh, so many things. Last night it was a need to please others. Today, so I could have lunch with a friend, even though I really wasn't hungry. I've got to get better about just refusing the food, or extracting myself from situations that might result in these exact setups.

Compulsions, by definition, are difficult to control. But that 's exactly what I have to do in cases like this. I have to remind myself that it's okay to say no to food. After all, if I don't start saying no, the weight won't come off.

Remember, "nothing tastes as good as thin!"

Bon apetit.

Small Victories, Small Rewards

As of this weekend, exactly one month after I started my weight loss program and new life[style], I have officially lost 17.6 pounds. I am, to say the least, ecstatic!

Since I get to celebrate this small victory over Halloween weekend, I allowed myself a small reward. Now, please know that as part of my new lifestyle (I wonder when this lifestyle will no longer be new?) I would not even consider rewarding myself with food. I mean, come on, that's what got me in trouble in the first place!

But yesterday, my husband informed me he wanted to spend Sunday watching football and that he felt like having spaghetti for dinner. Apparently, he likes spaghetti when the weather turns cooler, and fall is definitely in full swing, spaghetti we would have.

Now, you must know, spaghetti, no matter how I prepare it, is chock full of carbs. I mean CHOCK FULL. It's pasta, for pete's sake. And then there's the sauce, which normally has tons of sugar added (you'd never have guessed that, would you?).

But, just because I'm on carb-strike, doesn't mean my husband should be denied. And I refuse to cook two different meals. I figured I'd allow myself a break and just eat a controlled portion of the spaghetti. Of course, I also set out to make it as low in carbs as possible. So, off to the grocery store I went!

I found some fabulous thin spaghetti that had the absolutely lowest carb count of all the pastas on the shelves (34g of net carbs). Then I rounded up some marinara sauce that had no sugar added and was gluten free. about 6g of net carbs. I just don't think you can do much better than this when it comes to carbs and spaghetti.

I cooked up our spaghetti and had a medium sized serving (after all, I hadn't eaten much else today!) and it was delicious! I made sure to eat just enough to feel satisfied, without stuffing my face (which is SO easy to do with spaghetti).

After that, I treated myself to a cup of coffee along with a yummy Halloween cupcake. The cupcake was no doubt way off my carb chart, but again, I deserved a treat. And I only had one, even though there was a second one to be had. It's all about self control and making sure I remember these are small and infrequent rewards, and that over-indulging will tip the scales in the wrong direction.

I feel good about today's choices. No guilt. It's a great feeling. I won't make eating like this a habit, not again. I realize I am loving the weight loss way too much to slip back into old, bad habits.

Biggest takeaway? I'm way stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

Happy belated Halloween to all! Let the holidays begin!

Turkey Roll

Here I am, nearly a month after starting this new life. My "get fit" plan seems to be doing okay, as I've lost 16 pounds. I think having a period in there slowed things down, but I half expected this and am working hard at not letting that discourage me.

Today, I ate crazy quantities of carbs. I broke down and had a granny smith apple with peanut butter. Then I had another. and another. It was so tasty and it'd been a month since I'd had fresh fruit. And I'm trying to justify eating 3 of these tasty apples, instead of just the 1. I keep telling myself I worked out really hard yesterday, and so I deserved the treat (or 3). But I didn't work out today, and have no plans to, and so I really should have been more mindful of what I was doing. Nonetheless it is done. I will begin anew in the morning. In the meantime, I will hydrate like crazy and focus on the upcoming bike rally I signed up for, and the training it entails.

Yep, you read that right. I signed up for a bike rally, aptly named the Turkey Roll. It takes place on November 21, effectively giving me 3 weeks (weekends) to train. The event has four bike courses to choose from; 23, 35, 47 or 63 miles. I chose the 47 mile course. Yes, that's right, forty seven miles. It's crazy, I know. Some might even say insane. I certainly do! But I have something to prove to myself. I have to do this.

Had my first long distance ride this last Tuesday. Rode 15.35 miles. And yesterday, I rode 20.25 miles. That is a lot of miles for me, and it left me worn out. But exhilarated! Now I realize 20 miles isn't quite even half of what I plan to ride in a mere four weeks, but hey, it's a place to start! And it falls well into my training plan which is to ride 10 to 15 miles two to three times a week, during the week, and then on the weekends, add at least 5 miles to my long distance ride. That means a 25 mile ride on Halloween, 30 miles the following week, 35 after that, and by the time I get to the week before the 47 mile ride, I'll be riding 40 miles! and really, once you've ridden 40 miles, what's another 7 miles?!

No doubt, easier said than done. But that won't stop me from trying. not a chance.

Here's to good health and another low carb week!

Bad Knees, a Bike Ride, and Mini Meatloaves

After seven days of doing the Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred workout, my knees finally said "no more."
Now clearly they didn't actually say that, as my knees can't talk, but the pain in them every time I tried to do a jumping jack spoke loud and clear to me. Thus, I am sad to report that I have skipped the Shred this weekend. I need to give my knees a break. In fact, my knees needed the break so badly that I didn't work out at all on Saturday. I even considered not working out today. But that was as far as that went.

I heard somewhere, recently, that every day you don't work out makes you weaker. Well, I've fought too hard to make the progress I've made, and I can't afford to get weaker. I knew it was important that I get some kind of workout in today, so I hopped on my bike and took off on my 10 mile ride. I finished it in 20 minutes less time than I normally complete the ride, which means I'm getting faster. This really made my day. I didn't burn as many calories as I normally do, but I think that may be because it was a shorter workout, even if it was the same distance. I'm not letting the number of calories bug to much, though, because the goal was to workout, and I met that goal.

Once I got home, I was ready to eat! I still had to cook and was grateful that tonight's dinner, Italian mini meatloaves and fresh, steamed green beans, was super easy to put together, was very filling and incredibly delicious, and was super low carb!

The first two weeks of this new *lifestyle* have returned incredible results! I've lost twelve pounds which is twelve percent of the total amount of weight I want to lose AND I've done it in just under two weeks. Now, I know better than to expect these results every week. But even if I lose 10 pounds a month for the next nine months, I'll have met my goal in the timeframe I set. That would be HUGE!

But, the key to my success lies in my faith in God and in making sure I take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Here's to being healthy! :-D

On the 12th Day

Remember a few posts back I mentioned I finally broke down and bought a scale.
Well, today, day 12 of my *new life* I stepped on that scale and was beyond tickled to find that I am now 11.4 pounds lighter than I was 12 days ago. I could hardly believe it.

Guess the meal plan focused on protein and non starchy veggies, along with 7 days of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred have done their work.

Tomorrow marks a full week since I started the Shred, and I think I'm more sore today than I was after the first day. But I'm so committed. I can't even conceive of not doing this workout daily. It's just not optional. At least not in the next 23 days.

Also, Monday marks the two week milestone for my food plan. Again, I've seen such great results so far that I'm not willing to change this. If anything, I will start being more mindful of portion size.

I am thrilled with the results so far! After all, I've lost 11% of the total amount of weight I want to lose, and in less than two weeks!

I know I still have a long way to go, and I know it will get harder before it gets easier.
I also know that it will be worth it. I deserve to be healthy. AND look fabulous! Will post pics at the 20 mile drop point.

Thanks for keeping me honest by checking in here every so often. :)

The First Week

I can't believe it's been a week since I started my new life. Feels like forever, and it feels like just yesterday.

In this first week, several major milestones have been reached, and for that I am happy.
Let's recap.

Milestone 1: I've kept carb intake to less than 20g per day.
Milestone 2: I've consumed at least 64 ozs. of water daily
Milestone 3: I've started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day shred AND have successfully completed the first 2 days of workouts
Milestone 4: I bought a scale

May not seem like much to some, but these four things, for me, are a BIG DEAL.
Big.
HUGE.

When I jumped on the scale this morning, it recorded a 6.5 lb difference from exactly a week ago. Granted, I weighed in on different scales (won't be doing THAT again!), but I tend to think that even if I haven't lost that much, I've definitely lost some. I can feel the difference in my clothes. and my shoes. go figure.

I've also noticed some other, small differences. I'm sleeping better. The tension between my shoulders isn't as bad as it was even 3 days ago. (I attribute that to the push ups I have to do as part of the Shred.) I hardly ever feel bloated and gross after a meal. I no longer have cravings or feel the need to snack between meals. I get full on less.

I'm sure there are other things, but right now they escape me.
I will post them when, and if, they become clear.

For now, I am going to celebrate my losses, however small they may be!

A New Level of Commitment

I am good at starting things. This is something I know. Soon you will know it, too, if you've not already figured it out.

What this tells me is that I have a commitment issue. I can start a new diet, but usually within a few days, I will go off track. Much to my detriment, I assure you.

I've learned that a big part of keeping a commitment is how I approach any given situation.
Example: if I go to the gym with the intent of riding the stationary bike for 10 miles, and then, after only 5 minutes on said bike I find myself bored or tired, it's really easy to get up and walk away. I know. I've done it.

BUT, if I get on my real bike and head down the street and around the corner and I wind up riding 5 miles away, well, then I have to ride 5 miles back. There's no cheating. And I don't bring my cell phone with me, so that I don't cop out of the ride halfway and call someone to come pick me up.

So, what's the point.

Well, for the first time in my adult life, I now own a scale. yep. the dreaded machine that tells you your weight. I've never owned one.

But I knew that I was out of excuses for not getting fit. And I had to commit in a big way.

Small step, I know. But it feels HUGE.

Will let you know how that plays out.

Okay. Let's Try this Again

okay, let's try this again.
project me - hm. haven't done so well.

Started atkins on monday. so far, on day 4, and I'm still on it. haven't quit. haven't cheated.
and I've managed to stay under the 20 carbs required for induction.

that is not easy. It means getting your fill of green, leafy veggies, eggs, cheese, and meat. I'm officially tired of pork chops. LOL. this can be a problem seeing as how today is just day 4.

As hard as it is, however, I have already seen progress. I'll explain.

About 2 weeks ago I ordered some jeans and denim capris online. they arrived last week and I proceeded to try them on. One style, the capris, fit, but was pretty tight around the waste. I hate wearing anything tight around my waste. it makes my belly stick out in a most disgusting way.
so, with a heaviness in my heart I made plans to return them.

Anyway, just out of curiosity (and because I spied them on my dresser ready to be returned) I decided to try them on again, and I am happy to report that they are no longer super tight! While they are not loose or anything like that (wishful thinking), they were at least comfortable. And I figure, if I stick to my guns with this diet, which I know will work, by this time next weekthose carpis will be super cozy, maybe even a tiny bit loose!

A small victory but a victory nonetheless.
I'm off to drink at least 24 ounces of water.

More to come - soon! :)

Back on the Wagon

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! I've blown off project me for long enough. since my last post, i've been to paris, france, where i walked daily, for miles! I proved to myself I can still do it. even knowing that, i got back, worked out regularly for a week, and then stopped again.

no more. MUST workout regularly. just found out i'm to stand in a wedding on july 11, for my 23 year old nephew. i refuse to show up at this wedding obese. of course, no sooner did i make that decision before i went and chowed on a 1/3 pint of ben & jerrys. poison.

I had been promising my dog i'd take her for a walk; hadn't done it in at least a month. poor pooch, she just loves to walk. not walking makes her crazy. and so, today, i finally did it. i made good on my promise. just 2.13 miles of a light run, walk. Completed it in about 38 minutes and burned about 400 calories. poor dog is worn out. and i'm pumped full of lovely endorphins. why don't i do this regularly?

during my walk i had an epiphany. i was contemplating the many reasons i obsess about food, and believe me when i tell you there are plenty! and i caught myself thinking, "i love food!" Love? HA! it's a love-hate relationship. reality is, food hates me. well, not food itself, obviously. but the fact of the matter is that all of my compulsive eating (and let's be brutally honest, here, that's really what it is, a COMPULSION) is slowly killing me. I'm unhealthy, obese, and I hate how I look. I hate mirrors. and I hate shopping for clothes. I have to get the compulsion under control. I have to stop obsessing about food.

I took measurements today. they're sad. seriously. but i'm putting it out there in the hopes that someone will hold me accountable. clearly I haven't had much success doing that.

so, here we go.

age: 39 yrs old
height: 5'2
weight: 224 lbs
bust: 45 inches
stomach: 45 inches
hips: 53 inches
arms: 14 inches
thighs: 26 inches

Today's workout: 2.13 miles, 38 minutes, 448 calories burned.

Today's cons:
Pasta (whole wheat)
B&J ice cream (1/3 pint)

Today's pros:
Worked out!

Countdown to wedding:
48 days

Failing Miserably

Project me is failing miserably. I have been super stressed out lately after finding out that the company I work for is laying off another 40% of our staff, and this only 90 days after already having laid off 40% of our staff. That's about 100 people in just 3 months. Now, in light of all the layoffs occurring across the country, 100 people may not seem like a lot. but when the original work staff was about 150 people to begin with, well, then 100 people is a lot! And for those left behind, life isn't much easier. I mean, yes, we have a job - and that is a big deal. But we'll be taking a 10% paycut and will have 3 times as much work. So many of us are already so tired.
I'm among those that are tired. I have little time for anything beyond work. Not time to workout and certainly no time to cook healthy meals. And so, my "project" is a mess.

I tried to get back on track this past Saturday. Woke up early, took the dog for a run/walk. Was GREAT. I actually enjoyed running - even though I couldn't sustain much of a run, I sure did try. And was looking forwward to doing it again. Then, like an idiot, I went and started moving heavy furniture around my house and wound up pulling a muscle, or two, in my lower back. Talk about painful! Needless to say, as I am barely able to walk, working out was definitely out of the question.

I HAVE to do something about this. something has to give. Maybe I need to be hypnotized. or need therapy. or have lap band surgery. I keep trying to get the eating compulsions under control, but the harder I try, the worse I do. it's crazy!

I haven't been near a scale, but I would be willing to bet I've actually gained weight. I'm disgusted with myself, to be perfectly honest.

I need help.

I'm Lonely, Therefore I Eat

Talk about a lot of triggers. Stress, loneliness, frustration. All of them an excuse for eating. Or a trigger, at any rate.

Must find better outlets for the things that make me want to chow. Especially since none of those elements will be departing my life any time soon.

More walking, less eating. More working out, less eating. More blogging, playing with makeup, reading, cleaning, working. Anything that will keep me from eating.

Wish me luck with that.

Not Really Counting Days Anymore

Had to stop and think about what day it is and figured, if I have to
think about it then why bother counting?
Today's stress levels were pretty high today due to the CEO of the
company I work for leaving.


Managed not to make a complete pig of myself, but I did break down and have some chocolate.
This is going to be a tough, and ugly, battle.

I Stress, Therefore I Eat

Just caught myself. I'm stressing out over all the insane work I have, currently and coming up. First thing I did? Reach for some noodles to quickly nuke and shovel down my throat. I'm not hungry. I know I'm not - I had lunch 2 hours ago for crying out loud.

I did what any girl would do. I shoved the stupid noodles back in my desk drawer, reminded myself of the importance of Project ME and I sucked down 8 ounces of water instead.

Must do yoga when I'm stressed. Much better choice, and certainly more effective stress relief, I suspect.

Success, Day Two!

Managed to get through day two, a highly joyful yet stressful day,
without eating junk or even overeating. I did miss my workout, so I'll
need to make up for that tomorrow.
Off to bed as tomorrow will be another long day. Happy inauguration,
President Obama!

I Survived Day One

I did it! I managed to get through today with controlled portions and
no junk food! I even took my dog for a brisk two mile walk.
I still have a headache but it is insignificant in the glory of my
success. I will fight the flab! This is only the beginning!!

The Chocolate is Trying to Attack Me!

I managed to survive lunch without binging. Had an awesome little weight watchers frozen meal - it was delectable and enough to satisfy my hunger. Of course, I'm so used to eating 'til I'm beyond full that the tasty little lunch didn't feel like enough, even though I know it was.

Lunch today was at 12:30p. At about 2pm, I started craving chocolate. I even went so far as to reach for some, but then I remembered those pics I posted yesterday. My butt is nearly the size of China; I definitely didn't need that chocolate. So I grabbed a stick of sugar free gum instead and chewed on that ferociously for about an hour. Then the headache came back. UGH. I know it's a sugar depravation headache. I'll get those on and off for the next few days as my body adjusts to the new, lower cal, lower fat, lower sugar, smaller portion intake. Then, probably by Thursday, my body will have adjusted and the headaches will stop. Had an apple, no peanut butter this time, to counteract the headache. Helped some, not much.

One of my biggest challenges with losing weight has always been that I obsess about food; what I should eat, what I shouldn't eat, what I want to eat, how much I ate, didn't eat, etc. Seemed I was always thinking about food. Inevitably, this was usually my downfall. Am trying not to do that this time. The headaches, however, are a constant reminder, so it's hard. I won't lie, I'm already thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner, and I JUST ate an apple.

I wasn't kidding when I said this was "sick". It's an illness. An addiction, no less real or harmful than alcoholism or drug abuse.

How do I combat my thoughts, though? Well, for starters, I write. That's why I created this blog. At least by writing my brain has to focus on typing, and forming the words, and putting my thoughts into coherent sentences. Tough to think about food when you're busy making sure your grammer and spelling are correct. (And trust me, I'm sure this post is riddled with errors. Oh well. :-P)

The other thing I do, well, for now anyway, is revisit yesterday's post. The photos specifically. I am surprised, appalled, ashamed at the person I've become, at least physically. Talk about self-abuse. I am better than that. I deserve better. I am going to start treating my body like the temple it is, a house where God dwells.

Have started thinking about tonight's workout. Ten minutes of yoga, twenty minutes of Zumba, and maybe a handful of situps. Oh, and I have to take my dog for a walk. She LOVES to walk and I know it will be a treat for her, not to mention good for me.

As for dinner, well, I'll deal with that at dinner time. Food will not control me, or my thoughts.
Now I have to get back to work.

Conviction is Slipping

I'm getting a headache. I think it's 'cause I haven't eaten much. But I have eaten and I don't feel hungry, so it's all probably in my head.

For breakfast, I had some oatmeal with a dash of cinnamon and some sweet n' low.
Washed it down with half a cup of coffee.
That was at about 9am.

Then I had a snack at 11am, an apple with some peanut butter. Less than 2 tablespoons of pb, which is the "serving" size. I was craving something salty. And I'm trying to drink lots of water, but so far have only had about 8 ounces. Must drink more.

It's noon now, and all I can think about is a cheeseburger and crispy fries. Hmm, maybe I need another reality check - I should go look at those pics I posted of myself last night. That shot of my butt should make it real clear, I don't NEED a cheeseburger and fries. Nor should I want that.

No - I will be strong. I will gulp down a bunch of water 'til I'm stuffed. Then, when that wears off, I'll drink more water and eat a weight watchers frozen lunch. Surprisingly, those are quite tasty, and the portions are small, or rather, "normal".

This headache, well, it's likely because I'm dehydrated. Yeah, that's it. More water and I'll be fine.

After all, this is just DAY 1 of project ME. I can't fail. I won't.

Stuff I Need to Do

A random list of things I should do, things I want to do, and things I'll likely never get around to doing - all wrapped up into one, in no particular order:

- learn to speak french
- work out more
- post to my blog consistently
- add at least one photo to each blog post
- eat healthier
- eat less
- learn to knit
- call my mom more often
- pick up my photography again
- take more photography classes
- learn how to code in Java
- learn CSS and HTML
- finish the roman shades for the kitchen
- make the curtains for the dining room
- paint the guest room
- paint the office
- paint the bedroom
- paint the living/dining room
- clean out the garage
- sell the scooter
- sell my old, unused electronics
- spend more time with my friends
- be kinder to my husband
- stop gossiping
- take the dog for daily walks
- take cooking classes
- scan all photos
- rip all CDs and DVDs
- create a digital media library
- get a fireproof safe
- put important documents, items in fireproof safe
- spend more time reading my Bible
- stop obsessing about food

It'll be interesting to see how this list changes over time.

Food, and My Hang Ups With It

I'm so sick of food. sick of thinking about it, sick of hearing about it, sick of seeing it all over my TV. Seems no matter what is going on with me, it always revolves around food. And dieting, well that's just another way of obsessing about food; I'm either thinking about what I should eat, or feeling guilty about what I ate that I shouldn't have eaten. Seriously, this is beyond stupid. I've imprisoned myself in a world that revolves around food. And that's just sick.

I guess that's what it boils down to; I'm sick. I have a disease, an addiction. No different that being addicted to alcohol, or drugs. And I think I need help, 'cause when I think of 'quitting', well, then I'm just thinking about food again.

I've tried to sort out what the obsession is. I've considered that maybe it's my way of admitting defeat - trying to change what I eat and how much I eat isn't getting me anywhere, so why bother to try to change it - instead I'll just eat until I can't eat anymore. Of course, then I hate myself for being weak and fat.

I've got to get help. I have to do something about this disease. If I don't, it's gonna kill me.