The Chocolate is Trying to Attack Me!

I managed to survive lunch without binging. Had an awesome little weight watchers frozen meal - it was delectable and enough to satisfy my hunger. Of course, I'm so used to eating 'til I'm beyond full that the tasty little lunch didn't feel like enough, even though I know it was.

Lunch today was at 12:30p. At about 2pm, I started craving chocolate. I even went so far as to reach for some, but then I remembered those pics I posted yesterday. My butt is nearly the size of China; I definitely didn't need that chocolate. So I grabbed a stick of sugar free gum instead and chewed on that ferociously for about an hour. Then the headache came back. UGH. I know it's a sugar depravation headache. I'll get those on and off for the next few days as my body adjusts to the new, lower cal, lower fat, lower sugar, smaller portion intake. Then, probably by Thursday, my body will have adjusted and the headaches will stop. Had an apple, no peanut butter this time, to counteract the headache. Helped some, not much.

One of my biggest challenges with losing weight has always been that I obsess about food; what I should eat, what I shouldn't eat, what I want to eat, how much I ate, didn't eat, etc. Seemed I was always thinking about food. Inevitably, this was usually my downfall. Am trying not to do that this time. The headaches, however, are a constant reminder, so it's hard. I won't lie, I'm already thinking about what I'm going to have for dinner, and I JUST ate an apple.

I wasn't kidding when I said this was "sick". It's an illness. An addiction, no less real or harmful than alcoholism or drug abuse.

How do I combat my thoughts, though? Well, for starters, I write. That's why I created this blog. At least by writing my brain has to focus on typing, and forming the words, and putting my thoughts into coherent sentences. Tough to think about food when you're busy making sure your grammer and spelling are correct. (And trust me, I'm sure this post is riddled with errors. Oh well. :-P)

The other thing I do, well, for now anyway, is revisit yesterday's post. The photos specifically. I am surprised, appalled, ashamed at the person I've become, at least physically. Talk about self-abuse. I am better than that. I deserve better. I am going to start treating my body like the temple it is, a house where God dwells.

Have started thinking about tonight's workout. Ten minutes of yoga, twenty minutes of Zumba, and maybe a handful of situps. Oh, and I have to take my dog for a walk. She LOVES to walk and I know it will be a treat for her, not to mention good for me.

As for dinner, well, I'll deal with that at dinner time. Food will not control me, or my thoughts.
Now I have to get back to work.