Exercise in Discipline

I have this image of myself in my head. In this image, I am thin. I am wearing frayed denim shorts, a flowy white top with lots of long bead necklaces around my neck. My hair is in a loose ponytail and I've got the coolest, shorty cowboy boots adorning my feet. I look great. And more importantly, I feel AMAZING.

I have a ways to go before I make this image a reality, despite the fact that I've already got the shorty cowboy boots. I realize that this image will involve some work, serious  commitment, and a big helping of discipline.

Since all of these have been lacking the last few weeks, and subsequently I've seen the scale stick at a number I'm still not happy with, it's time to get back on track with my program.

The first step? Cut out those things that stimulate my appetite. Most of these involve sugar, which I still try to have in limited quantities. But I have a definite weak spot for coffee. Drinking coffee somehow makes me want to nosh on tasty things, usually baked goods chock full of things I have no business eating. I realize it is likely a purely psychological connection but be that as it may, I will do whatever it takes to achieve that image in my head. Even if it means no coffee. It is a form of disciplining myself back into a mindset of mind over matter. It is a form of reminding myself that I am not controlled by food. It is the first step in bringing the girl in my head to life.

Here's to hippy chic in shorty cowboy boots!

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Ugly Shoes

Ordered two really cute pairs of flats the other day.

The first pair: this adorable, leopard print silk number by Rocket Dog. Just precious!

The second pair: Sweet, candy apple red patent leather with a shiny buckle. Love these.

Received them today and immediately proceeded to try them on. I was disappointed when both pairs turned out to be too narrow for my foot. I tried telling myself they would stretch out, but fact of the matter is, having spent the last six years trying to get rid of plantar fasciitis, I refuse to do anything that will hurt my feet, even if it means giving up adorable flats such as these.

While at the store returning these great little shoes, I saw a display for Skechers Shape Ups, and remembered a tweet from a friend about how these are supposed to help make the most of your walking time, helping tone your muscles by mimicking the effects of walking in sand.

Now I don't know that I necessarily believe this, but I'd been hearing about these shoes for some time and since I had a store credit I figured, "why not?"

A little voice at the back of my head replied, "cause they're UGLY!"

I turned a blind eye to the lack of aesthetic appeal; the sparkly, bling-y touch at the laces was nowhere near enough dazzle to make these clogs even a little cute.

No, I definitely didn't get these for looks. 

As I had some more errands to run, I immediately put these on and proceeded to spend the next two hours walking around in the Shape Ups. I've no idea if they are doing or will do what Skechers claims they do. But I can tell you that my legs are notably more tired than if I'd been in my regular shoes. I suppose only time will tell if there is any truth to the claims. 

In the meantime, I'll wear my ugly shoes whenever I'll be walking for long periods, in the hopes of integrating my weight loss and fitness efforts into even the most mundane of activities.

Here's to making the most of walking!

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Weighing In

To loosely quote my friend April, “The scale is not my friend today.”

Woke up this morning, went about my normal routine and then hopped on that most dreaded device, the scale. I was discouraged, to say the least, by what I saw there. Considering I’d had pizza for dinner yesterday, and some ice cream (about a quarter cup which, I have to tell you, while tasty, did bad things to me that we won’t even discuss here, thereby rendering it so not worth it), I definitely wasn’t surprised.

I know I’m only supposed to weigh myself once a week but I’ve spent so much of my life in denial about my weight that weighing in is now a part of my daily routine. Most days I don’t mind it, as I usually see some form of progress, and if not, at least I’m maintaining.

And, on those rare days when I do see a slight increase, whether it’s water weight or the result of a late night pizza and ice cream binge, I refuse to let that deter me in my efforts. In fact, I find this actually has the opposite effect on me, in that I double my efforts to eat smaller, healthy portions, and my resolve to lose the weight is strengthened.

Yep. The scale may not be my friend today, but sometimes it takes our non-friends telling us a truth we’re unable to tell ourselves to get us off our “assets” (again, quoting April!) and moving again.

Here’s to reality checks!

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One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days when you feel like you have it all together? You are comfortable in your own skin, self-assured even? Your confidence bolsters you and you can't stop smiling? You recognize the countless blessings and unconditional love that envelope you?

I don't often have those types of day, historically speaking. I can usually fake it, but rarely do I make it.

But today? Today was one of those days.

Today was one of those days when I knew I could conquer the world. When how I looked on the outside was reconciled with the beauty I felt on the inside. When I could smile with a peaceful calm and genuine gladness. When the world held hope and the promise of new beginnings.

Today was one of those days when I looked around and saw God's hand in everything. Today, I held my head a little higher, walked a little lighter, smiled a little brighter.

Today was one of those days when I caught a glimpse of what God intends every day to look like.

Today, I pray that every woman out there recognizes her own true beauty and strength, and knows it's source.

Here's to those days!


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A Place of Solitude

With sixty degree temperatures and sunny skies, I couldn't help but pull my bike out today and go for a nice long ride. Ok, it was just under fourteen miles which isn't really long, but I haven't ridden in months and my bottom feels like it was a forty mile ride, so long we'll call it.

We live near a lake which is lined with parks, providing me with beautiful places to run and ride. It was along these trails that I wrestled my bike up hills and along tree lined paths. Not a particularly rough ride, I chose it for the distance, but mostly for the scenery. The lake, this time of year, tinged with the golden light of a setting sun, makes me forget the burning in my thighs as I pedal up yet another incline.

And then there's that one spot, about half way along my course. It's a bit of land that juts out into a cove of the lake. The trees come out of the water and in the evening, the sun turns all the water a beautiful red gold, and the trees are lined in light. On the tiny peninsula, there is a single bench, facing the water. The park path runs behind this and there is a road that can be seen from the bench, if one were inclined to tear their gaze from the spectacular light show flitting across the water.

During my evening rides, the path is a busy one. There are runners and walkers and dogs and kids and cyclists. Most are whizzing by, with nary a glance at the majesty of what is playing out in the sky, along the trees, and on the lake. Then, there are the mornings. Early morning rides during which the place is one of solitude. You can sit and reflect on God's glory, and wrap yourself in His peace. It is a place where the busyness of daily life is washed away in the oranges, golds, and blazing reds of a sun that chases the bluish purple hues of dawn into another day. It is a place I long to sit in for a moment of quiet, meditation, reflection.

Sounds lovely, doesn't it? I paused along today's ride, with every intent of photographing this little piece of heaven so I could share it with all of you. Then, I changed my mind. I wanted to protect this not so secret hideaway, keep it private. But even more than that, I wanted each of you to see it in your mind's eye, to paint it with the hues that bring you peace, to imagine the silence wrapping itself lovingly around you.

Here's to a beautiful place of solitude.

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Skinny Jeans: A Rant

A disclaimer: If you are a person of a physically bigger nature, and you wear, or are contemplating wearing, skinny jeans, you should turn away from this post immediately. As in, now. Seriously. I make no apologies for what I'm about to say. None.

Consider yourself warned.

I've recently lost thirty pounds. Now, while this was no small feat, it is merely a fraction of the total weight I want, neigh, need, to lose. Thirty percent, to be precise. Yes, that's right, I want to lose one hundred pounds. But, I digress; more on this later, or elsewhere on this blog.

Having lost this weight, I found myself in need of a few new things. Specifically, jeans, as mine were getting absurdly baggy, and subsequently, too long for even my tallest heels. No "pants on the ground" for me!

As I embarked upon my shopping adventure, I wondered what kind of jeans did I want? I contemplated the many choices available: relaxed fit, straight leg, boot cut, wide leg, skinny jeans. Wait, what? Skinny jeans?!

Now, I will reveal something about myself, something I am not particularly proud of, but alas, it is what it is and I am working to change it:

This contemplating of mine was going on in the Women's department of Macy's, as I eyed a pair of straight leg Levi's that were two sizes smaller than the last pair of jeans I bought. Levi's that were folded neatly alongside a variety of other jean styles, the dreaded skinny jeans among them.

Yes, Women's department (read: Plus sized department).

Yes, two sizes smaller. I was, am, a big girl. I have curves. Lots of them. More than my fair share, and not in a good way.

There, I've said it. And though I've lost thirty pounds, and am quite proud of this accomplishment, I am no longer in denial and know I have a lot of work ahead of me yet.

I tell you this, my face burning with embarrassment, because it sets the backdrop for what I'm going to say next.

Skinny jeans have no business in the Women's department! None. Zero.
Ladies, if you are shopping in the Plus size department, also known as the more politically correct 'Women's" department, you have absolutely NO business wearing something called a "skinny jean!" I mean, come on... skinny jeans in the Women's department is the epitome of an oxymoron! Completely contradictory terms here!

Who's the merchandising genius that decided on PLUS sized SKINNY jeans?! If I find you, you're in trouble. Big trouble. (Pun intended.)

If you are truly compelled to wear something more form fitting, might I suggest a lovely straight leg jean? A legging perhaps, with a long tunic? Ok. Maybe not leggings. But that's another topic for another day.

I walked away from buying new jeans because I refuse to buy even one more piece of "Women's" sized clothing. I'm done.

And I'll hold off on getting a "skinny" jean until I'm out of double digit sizes. Skinny, in my world, is not a double digit number, unless it's "00", and come on, that's just WAY too thin, nor will I ever be that small!

I am not angry about the "plus sized skinny jeans" madness. If anything, it simply bolsters my determination to one day get into a truly skinny jean.

Oh, and one last thing. Without apology. If you are a Plus size woman, and you have skinny jeans and love how you look in them, I tip my hat to you. There are few things more attractive than a woman with the hard core self confidence needed to pull off a look like that!

After all, it's not about what's on the outside, right?

Here's to a healthy self-image!

P.S. Two weeks after I walked away from the Macy's Women's department, I walked into a regular old Gap. And I tried on a pair of non-Plus sized, straight legged, Gap jeans. And they fit! Not quite a skinny jean, but it's progress, and progress is good!

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Simple Blessings

There are so many small things I'm blessed with, things easily taken for granted, that I figured I'd list them, mostly for fun, but also to recognize God for the giving, merciful, AWESOME Savior HE is, for, after all, without Him, I have nothing. Please note, these are in no particular order.

1. Hot showers
2. Electricity
3. Indoor plumbing
4. Freedom of speech
5. Freedom of religion
6. My awesome husband
7. My adorable dog
8. My chatty cat
9. My family, nuclear and extended
10. Coffee
11. Bamboo knitting needles
12. Technology, and access to it
13. My friends
14. Rain, especially when I'm in a warm, dry place

Expect more lists like this, as my blessings are countless.

Here's to the God of love!

A [Non] Resolution

First, I should tell you, I don't make resolutions. Especially the new year variety. It's been my experience that resolutions wind up getting broken within the first week, or, at the very latest, within a month. So I figure, why bother?

These last few days, however, I've been taking inventory, stock; looking back over the last year and assessing what needs to be different.

Here's what my self examination turned up: I have this bad habit of using society as a measuring stick for, well, pretty much everything. Society has a way of dictating what is successful: do I drive the right car, have the right house, wear the right clothes, work at the right job? And we won't even discuss how society drives self-image: am I thin enough? Pretty enough? THIN ENOUGH?

I know many of you are aware that I've been working pretty hard over the last three months to get fit. Please know that this is more about being healthy, less about conforming to society's standards. But I'd be lying if I said that I have never been caught up in the madness of trying to "keep up with the Joneses." And it is definitely madness.

Therefore, this year, I have decided to stop seeing myself in relation to others, but rather, see myself in relation to God. After all, He created me in HIS image. If you stop to think about it, that's pretty powerful.

And because self-image seems to drive so much in our lives, my new measure of what I want to look like will be driven by the words of 1 Peter 3:3-4:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I don't want to make this a resolution though. Kind of like the whole getting fit thing, it's not something I'm going to do until I reach my goals and then stop. It has to be a whole lifestyle change. Or, in the case of my [non]resolution, a whole change of thinking, feeling, being.

Please know, this doesn't mean I will donning a sack cloth or anything drastic like that. What it does mean is that I will try less to conform to society's standards, and work harder at pleasing God. After all, when you stop to think about it, He's the only one that really matters.

Happy new year and here's to good [physical, mental and spiritual] health!