Food, and My Hang Ups With It

I'm so sick of food. sick of thinking about it, sick of hearing about it, sick of seeing it all over my TV. Seems no matter what is going on with me, it always revolves around food. And dieting, well that's just another way of obsessing about food; I'm either thinking about what I should eat, or feeling guilty about what I ate that I shouldn't have eaten. Seriously, this is beyond stupid. I've imprisoned myself in a world that revolves around food. And that's just sick.

I guess that's what it boils down to; I'm sick. I have a disease, an addiction. No different that being addicted to alcohol, or drugs. And I think I need help, 'cause when I think of 'quitting', well, then I'm just thinking about food again.

I've tried to sort out what the obsession is. I've considered that maybe it's my way of admitting defeat - trying to change what I eat and how much I eat isn't getting me anywhere, so why bother to try to change it - instead I'll just eat until I can't eat anymore. Of course, then I hate myself for being weak and fat.

I've got to get help. I have to do something about this disease. If I don't, it's gonna kill me.