Back on the Wagon

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! I've blown off project me for long enough. since my last post, i've been to paris, france, where i walked daily, for miles! I proved to myself I can still do it. even knowing that, i got back, worked out regularly for a week, and then stopped again.

no more. MUST workout regularly. just found out i'm to stand in a wedding on july 11, for my 23 year old nephew. i refuse to show up at this wedding obese. of course, no sooner did i make that decision before i went and chowed on a 1/3 pint of ben & jerrys. poison.

I had been promising my dog i'd take her for a walk; hadn't done it in at least a month. poor pooch, she just loves to walk. not walking makes her crazy. and so, today, i finally did it. i made good on my promise. just 2.13 miles of a light run, walk. Completed it in about 38 minutes and burned about 400 calories. poor dog is worn out. and i'm pumped full of lovely endorphins. why don't i do this regularly?

during my walk i had an epiphany. i was contemplating the many reasons i obsess about food, and believe me when i tell you there are plenty! and i caught myself thinking, "i love food!" Love? HA! it's a love-hate relationship. reality is, food hates me. well, not food itself, obviously. but the fact of the matter is that all of my compulsive eating (and let's be brutally honest, here, that's really what it is, a COMPULSION) is slowly killing me. I'm unhealthy, obese, and I hate how I look. I hate mirrors. and I hate shopping for clothes. I have to get the compulsion under control. I have to stop obsessing about food.

I took measurements today. they're sad. seriously. but i'm putting it out there in the hopes that someone will hold me accountable. clearly I haven't had much success doing that.

so, here we go.

age: 39 yrs old
height: 5'2
weight: 224 lbs
bust: 45 inches
stomach: 45 inches
hips: 53 inches
arms: 14 inches
thighs: 26 inches

Today's workout: 2.13 miles, 38 minutes, 448 calories burned.

Today's cons:
Pasta (whole wheat)
B&J ice cream (1/3 pint)

Today's pros:
Worked out!

Countdown to wedding:
48 days

Failing Miserably

Project me is failing miserably. I have been super stressed out lately after finding out that the company I work for is laying off another 40% of our staff, and this only 90 days after already having laid off 40% of our staff. That's about 100 people in just 3 months. Now, in light of all the layoffs occurring across the country, 100 people may not seem like a lot. but when the original work staff was about 150 people to begin with, well, then 100 people is a lot! And for those left behind, life isn't much easier. I mean, yes, we have a job - and that is a big deal. But we'll be taking a 10% paycut and will have 3 times as much work. So many of us are already so tired.
I'm among those that are tired. I have little time for anything beyond work. Not time to workout and certainly no time to cook healthy meals. And so, my "project" is a mess.

I tried to get back on track this past Saturday. Woke up early, took the dog for a run/walk. Was GREAT. I actually enjoyed running - even though I couldn't sustain much of a run, I sure did try. And was looking forwward to doing it again. Then, like an idiot, I went and started moving heavy furniture around my house and wound up pulling a muscle, or two, in my lower back. Talk about painful! Needless to say, as I am barely able to walk, working out was definitely out of the question.

I HAVE to do something about this. something has to give. Maybe I need to be hypnotized. or need therapy. or have lap band surgery. I keep trying to get the eating compulsions under control, but the harder I try, the worse I do. it's crazy!

I haven't been near a scale, but I would be willing to bet I've actually gained weight. I'm disgusted with myself, to be perfectly honest.

I need help.

I'm Lonely, Therefore I Eat

Talk about a lot of triggers. Stress, loneliness, frustration. All of them an excuse for eating. Or a trigger, at any rate.

Must find better outlets for the things that make me want to chow. Especially since none of those elements will be departing my life any time soon.

More walking, less eating. More working out, less eating. More blogging, playing with makeup, reading, cleaning, working. Anything that will keep me from eating.

Wish me luck with that.

Not Really Counting Days Anymore

Had to stop and think about what day it is and figured, if I have to
think about it then why bother counting?
Today's stress levels were pretty high today due to the CEO of the
company I work for leaving.


Managed not to make a complete pig of myself, but I did break down and have some chocolate.
This is going to be a tough, and ugly, battle.

I Stress, Therefore I Eat

Just caught myself. I'm stressing out over all the insane work I have, currently and coming up. First thing I did? Reach for some noodles to quickly nuke and shovel down my throat. I'm not hungry. I know I'm not - I had lunch 2 hours ago for crying out loud.

I did what any girl would do. I shoved the stupid noodles back in my desk drawer, reminded myself of the importance of Project ME and I sucked down 8 ounces of water instead.

Must do yoga when I'm stressed. Much better choice, and certainly more effective stress relief, I suspect.

Success, Day Two!

Managed to get through day two, a highly joyful yet stressful day,
without eating junk or even overeating. I did miss my workout, so I'll
need to make up for that tomorrow.
Off to bed as tomorrow will be another long day. Happy inauguration,
President Obama!

I Survived Day One

I did it! I managed to get through today with controlled portions and
no junk food! I even took my dog for a brisk two mile walk.
I still have a headache but it is insignificant in the glory of my
success. I will fight the flab! This is only the beginning!!